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I'm so glad you're here! This is our story. God has lead us to adoption to build our family and here you will find my real and raw experiences with joys and triumphs as well as struggles and sadness. I hope you're encouraged by our story of God's faithfulness and His love for us!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A Journey of Desire

We've been planning on child #2 for quite some time now. So let me update you! We began our journey to a second child last May with a plan to adopt a child from Ethiopia. We pursued Ethiopia for months before the reality of the financial commitment set in. We are financially unprepared to take on a commitment of that magnitude and though our desire is to eventually add an African child to our family, it looks like our next addition will come from right here in our own County. The paperwork I've been talking about will be turned into Contra Costa Children and Family services homefinding unit.

This has been a very different adoption journey than I had with Addy. In fact, it's kind of the opposite! My emotions were so raw with Addy. It was torture to watch people get pregnant and my desire for a child was all consuming! So here I am waiting for #2 and I feel nothing! I can't decide if it's a defense mechanism or if I've just learned that it is better to just trust God's plan for my family. I'd like to think that it's the second, but it's probably a combination. I have learned so much about trusting God's plan for my life. There was a time when I felt the need to control my future. When I thought that trusting God to provide my family meant that I would be waiting forever. I wish I could say that I had this area of my life under control BEFORE He provided for me, but the reality is that it was THROUGH His provision in my life that I truly learned that I can trust Him with my most intimate desires and that His plan is so much more than I could have even imagined or asked for. So, while sometimes the motives of my heart are a mystery to me, my prayer is that the reason I'm at peace and not anxiously trying to control the steps of my life is because I've learned that resting in God's will for my life and having faith that He is my provider and desires my best is the reason I'm not freaking out right now. I have so much hope for my future! I'm confident that God has an amazing future planned for my family and that His plan includes a full quiver of children!

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I've been very emotionally detached and even just writing this post is making it feel just a little... more... real. I hope that if you're struggling with infertility that you feel free to approach me about it. I know the journey well and even though I am perfectly happy and content in my life, I know it will be a life-long journey of trusting God in this area. I don't understand His thinking, but I don't need to to know that He created me uniquely so that His plan could be accomplished through me.

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