I got my pregnancy packet (adoption paperwork) FINALLY in the mail last Thursday. Now it's out of our hands and in the hands of our social worker. No matter how qualified I know I am to have another child, I'm always concerned about how we look on paper. It makes me feel self-conscious to know that the future of my family depends on how good we look on paper. I'm so glad that our social worker had a chance to see our family in person and she can see that we are choosing to live simply so that we can make spending time as a family a priority. I find myself doubting that we will be approved, but then I realize that I'm being a doubting Thomas. I so badly need to keep my eyes fixed on the Lord and realize that He has everything completely under control.
We went to visit some friends who have a young baby this past weekend and one night as I went to sleep I found myself talking to God about our future child. I trust Him fully when it comes to what kind of child gets placed with us. I know that if He provides a toddler we will love that toddler and that child will be the perfect child for us. But, I also know that the desire of my heart is a baby. It feels impossible with the type of adoption that we're doing to get placed with an infant, but I also know that with God all things are possible so I ask! Regardless of what happens I know that my loving Father wants to hear the desires of my heart. As long as I'm asking with a heart that is submissive to His plan and that is open to what He has in store for me. I know He hears my requests, but I trust Him with this decision so much more than I trust myself! Even when I think I know what I want He knows me so much better than I know myself and He desires even more for me than I would ask for myself! There is nothing to doubt or to distrust. He provided above and beyond anything I could have asked for or dreamed of with Addy. He EXCEEDED my dreams, my hopes and my expectations. I have no doubt He will do that again even if the end result is different from what I currently am hoping and praying for. I need to call our social worker tomorrow to make sure she got our packet. Hopefully all is well!