Dora's a Hart!!!! After we said our good byes and we were pulling down the decorations I started bawling and I haven't stopped! Looking at pictures of my beloved child and thinking about how far we've come and that this day finally arrived is unbelievable! When I saw Kerry today memories of heart break and devastation came flooding back. Seeing her took me back to the day we got the call that they didn't terminate rights the first time and that we were now in a risky situation. I was at Bible Study with Julie and stepped out the take the call but never returned until the very end. I couldn't face everyone with the bad news so I went to the nursery and my mom was there. My mom didn't usually come to watch the kids, but she was in the nursery with Kerry and the kids. That moment was one of the worst moments of my life. As I handed Dora off to someone and I leaned against the wall, sliding down into heart broken sobs thinking that this child that I barely knew but loved dearly would be leaving us. How far have we come? I'm still sobbing, but this time with joy and awe that God has brought us through to completion! His faithfulness throughout the journey is unmeasured and He has taught me so much! This was His plan all along. He made me walk through some trials that I wasn't sure I'd make it through, but He knew His grace was greater than my needs and fears. How great and good is my God?
Dora's joy this morning was pouring over. I don't think she has any understanding of the significance of this day but she knew she was the center of attention and that she is going to be with us forever and ever and ever! It was so cute when the judge was talking and she said Dora's name Dora shouted that's me! And she kept saying it was her birthday! Silly girl! See what I mean? No real understanding of how precious this day was for us! The hearing itself isn't that long or dramatic but it means EVERYTHING to me!
We had a party afterwards with family and the friends who came to the courthouse. By then I was so spent. I was SO tired! I think I don't even realize when I'm holding my emotions in anymore but exhaustion definitely is a sign! It's become second nature as I live with infertility. Very few see my real emotions about it because babies are such a blessing and I never want to put a damper on other people's joy when they're expecting. So, I've learned to steal myself and wait until a more appropriate time to express my grief (and yes... it is getting better as I see God building my family in the way that He has always intended.). Poor Bry. He bears the brunt of it and today was no exception. As I watched all my family leave and I said good bye to my brother I started becoming weepy. I thought it was because I was tired and then it hit me... Of course I'm weepy! God has answered my prayers and the joy in my heart is inexpressible so it escaped as weepy tears!
I just want to thank you all for your love, prayer and support! I honestly mean that we couldn't have made it through the past 15 months without you all! I desperately needed your love and encouragement. I needed you to listen. I needed a shoulder to cry on and you all have been that for me! The journey is definitely not over. It has just begun! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
Here she is with her snow globe! It's become our tradition to give our children a snow globe on their adoption day! Dora got a "Hey Diddle Diddle" globe and she loves it!