The turmoils of the heart

So I met Dora and her FM at her speech class this morning and felt completely in the dark. I had no idea why we were there or what we were going to be doing and apparently I didn't even know her name! The FM assumed we would change her name so she's tried to avoid calling her a name and when she does call her by a name it's Layla. Talk about feeling blindsided. I didn't know WHAT to call her! I settled on the name we'd been calling her (but here it will be Dora) because that's what we decided we were going to call her regardless of what her original name was. We like it and it just seems to fit her. So Dora it is.

Today was very informative and I'm really glad that we went. Turns out that they have yet to assess her for speech services.The FM is in social work and knows people and they're letting Dora come kind of "under the table" assuming that she'll need them because she was a drug baby. The people are super nice but they didn't do anything I couldn't do at home. In the short time we've had her she was babbling and learned the word "dog" and repeated several other words. I think what she really needs are loving parents and a supportive, consistent home environment. Of course a very verbal older sister will help too :)

So far she has taken to us really easily. As soon as FM left today she knew to look to me as her care provider which is great and her first time in our home went really well. She was extremely happy and just made herself right at home. Cinderella was really excited to see her when we walked in. She yelled "DORA!" And then they started playing! She's a little timid around our dog, Chloe, but don't think it will be long at all before she's comfortable around her. I get the impression from FM that she's been really sheltered by request from the social worker and hasn't left the FH that much. It was obvious by the way she behaved at the speech class that she hasn't had much discipline or many expectations and it doesn't seem like she's heard the word "no." I'm pretty confident that we'll see huge improvement in her as we invest in her.

Something that hit me today as I was driving to the appointment. I was praying and working through the emotions of bringing her into our home and our family with the knowledge that the parental rights haven't been terminated yet and it hit me that I can't do this half way. If I'm going to be the parent that I need to be for her and bring her in as a permanent member of our family than I need to fully commit and count the cost if for some reason she goes back to mom. From everything I've heard and observed it doesn't seem like that is going to happen, but with this type of adoption there is always that risk and because of that there is such a tendency to allow fear to control me and for worry to take over. Then I sit back and realize that God is fully in control of the situation and that it's my choice to trust Him or to live in anxiety and fear about it. So, the choice has been made to commit fully to this child and believe that if for some reason it doesn't work out that God will be there to pick up the pieces and put me back together again and that He has something even more beautiful in store for me. I'm praying fervently that that doesn't happen and I'm praying that God will allow me to see His signs of confirmation as they come.

We're super excited that we get to spend most of the day with her tomorrow! I really need to get to bed since I'm picking her up in six hours! This has been my life for the past several weeks. I just don't sleep well or very much anymore. I'm just ready to bring her home so that then I can hopefully rest...

Becoming a Family

Day two of having Dora in our home went well! I wonder what she thinks when she see me and if she remembers me. She gave me voluntary hugs and kisses today and came to me right away this morning!!! We had put them in matching dresses yesterday, but today we actually changed her clothes into something that I had bought for Cinderella last summer and for the first time I looked at my girls and saw how they could "look" like sisters and yet look almost nothing alike. But they looked like they belonged together! It's so fun to watch them playing together! Dora isn't very well socialized and does tend to keep to herself. left to her own devices she'd just sit at the little table in the corner doing her own thing. I'm not sure if it's an issue of is being pretty much strangers or of her just not knowing how to be a part if a family.

We took Dora to Contra Loma today for a hike and we pretty much had a perfect morning until naptime hit and we still had the whole second half of the hike left! Really poor timing on my part. I wasn't paying very close attention to the time because we were having so much fun! I quickly whipped up a mei tai yesterday when I realized we would have Dora for our hike. I'm so glad I did! She rode on my back for a while and was really content and then she walked and ran for a long time. When she (and Cinderella) started melting down I put her on my shoulders and she fell asleep right there riding on my shoulders! I moved her to the mei tai and she woke up and then fell asleep against me. Awww... Sweet times. I remember many times like that with Cinderella. Love. Love. Love. Love, love! When we got home she woke up when I laid her down in the crib and she and Cinderella talked and distracted each other and neither ever fell asleep! Fortunately they both handled the lack of sleep well.

We had her till about five so it was a nice long amount of time! We'll have her again tomorrow afternoon. I'm thinking that we'll probably see her every day even though the social worker said twice during the week and on weekends. The FM is eager to let us have her and we're eager to take her! I guess the FM talked with the social worker and we have a tentative move in date of April 14th. We'll see! That's soon! I'm so thankful she's such a great advocate for us and has the same philosophy as we do in this transition time!!! God has really blessed us in being paired with her

Joy Joy Joy!

I'm bursting with joy! I get to being Dora to our house after her appointment to have our first meal together! I'm so excited!!!!

Our First Visit with Baby Dora

If you've been following my posts today you know that we got to the County offices this morning early and had to wait around for a while before we checked in. Once we checked in we had to wait for Dora's social worker to come down and she came down about ten minutes after our scheduled time and no Foster mom and no Dora. The dreaded thing had happened. Dora was a no show. We waited for a while before SWD (Dora's social worker) called the FM (Rebecca too!) and found out that she thought we were meeting at her house! SWD said that she had a really full schedule today and it didn't sound like we were able to see her today. But when she came down from her office the second time after calling Rebecca she said that she was on her way! We waited, and waited and waited some more and still no Dora. Over an hour AFTER our scheduled time Rebecca comes rushing in with Dora on her hip! Dora is so small! She looked like a 9-12 month old baby on the Foster mom's hip. We went to a visitation room where we got to play with her. I was afraid that she would be nervous around us and not want to play with us, but I had been praying that that wouldn't happen and sure enough, she took to us right away. In fact, she took to Bryan first. She really seemed to like him a lot. We played with the helicopter we brought with us and she was really sharp and quick on picking things up. We played with her for an hour, but it felt like minutes. She is a sweetie pie with such a sweet personality. She loved to share and her smile lights up the room! She likes dolls, just like Cinderella and is practicing to be a mommy! The FM said that she prefers Asian food, particularly the noodles and can eat 2-3 slices of pizza!

I'll be seeing her Friday when I go with them to her speech appointment in Concord. That will be a weekly appointment that we'll have to go to because she's non-verbal. She said "ma" but that's it and I guess that's what she calls everyone. Bryan, Cinderella and I will all be able to visit with her over the weekend. This is the first time Cinderella will see her so you could be praying that it is a positive experience and that they enjoy each other. Cinderella kept asking if she could go with us today to see "D," but of course it was just us adults today.

We get to move forward and see her several times a week and the FM has been great. She basically said we could come anytime and since Dora has a nanny she doesn't even have to be home for us to come by! We should be seeing her about 2-3 times during the week and then also on the weekends. I'm not sure when the first time she'll spend the night is, but she'll for sure be staying with us April 14-17! It sounds like it will be about four weeks until she's living with us full time.

There is still the court date looming over our heads to terminate parental rights on April 20th so if you can all pray that things go well for us and that parental rights are terminated then so that we can move forward to adopt her I would appreciate it!

Dora

I'm sitting on my couch for the first time today, emotionally and physically fried from a week that has been busy, exciting, nerve-wracking and draining. I'm dying to share our story with everyone and yet I'm struggling to find the energy to type!

This Monday I was at pump it up with Cinderella, the Froisland "twins" and Julie and I went to check on my phone. I know that sounds lake, but I'm more worried about my phone being stolen then my wallet. When I looked down at the screen my heart started beating quickly as I recognized the phone number as that of our social worker! I anxiously looked to see if she left a message and she didn't. There was no way I could return her phone call at that point so I focused my attention back on the task at hand and called her back when I got home. I nervously dialed her number but she didn't keep ms hanging. She told me right away that we'd been matched with a Laotian-African American girl who she said was 16 months old. She told me more information about the mom than the child and I realized soon after we got off the phone that I didn't even know her name! I was told that mom had a diagnosis of schitzophrenia and had been using drugs since she was 13. Interestingly enough the mom was adopted in Thailand by a Thai or maybe Hmoung couple and they later immigrated to the U.S.A. It ended up that she grew up American by culture and her parents were still living their Asian culture. She has two other children quite a bit older than Dora who have been removed from her care and adopted by her parents. As the situation stands right now the mom is trying to get Dora back but because of her history in the system and the fact that her services have been terminated by the County things don't look promising for mom. The next court hearing is April 20th where the county will attempt to terminate her parental rights.

Dora looks much more Asain than African American. When we first set out on our adoption journey, before Cinderella I always wanted to adopt from China. I think Asain babies are SOOOO cute! So needless to say I am on cloud nine! She is older than we were first told. She was born July 2009 so Cinderella and Dora are about 8 months apart. So we now we will join some of our friends who have "twins" through adoption. I'm excited to have a playmate for Cinderella. She's a short little thing. She's only in the 20th percentile for height! She isn't really talking yet so she has some speech delays and she has had some problems with affection. I guess she is finally ok and enjoying affection but that she isn't good with change. There's a lot of unknowns. Both parents have mental health issues and she's too young to know how or if this will affect her later in life. She is still needing to be tested for hearing and they aren't confident that she has 100% hearing. She was born with traces of amphetamines and opiates and again, we don't know how it will affect her long term. We'll just take it as it comes knowing that God is sufficient in our weakness and will give us the wisdom and grace to handle whatever comes our way. We are in love with her already and can't wait to meet her next Monday or Tuesday! If things go well we may have her living with us by the end of April. We're not sure exactly how long it will take to make the transition. But in the meantime we'll be able to spend lots of time with her at her foster family's house and eventually have her for days and then weekends at a time at our house and will gradually take over the role of primary caretaker until she's comfortable enough with us to move in without trauma.

The timing is great since we're getting close to summer. Once we transition her I may have a month left of work before summer break. We're seeing all the pieces gradually come together and are so excited to see where God takes us on this journey.

Today's the Day!

Today was just an ordinary day. We woke up, got dressed and headed to pump it up and had a great time with Julie and the Froisland "twins". Cinderella just loved it. I love seeing her excited because she just runs, runs in straight lines, runs in circles, twirls in tight twirls that make her dizzy. That was her today, running from one thing to the next. I went knowing that it would wear Cinderella out, but little did I know it would wear me out too! I wasn't planning on getting in the play structures, but there I was climbing in and out with our three little ones. What joy! While there I went to go check on my phone (yes, I'm obsessed. I'm not worried about my purse being stolen or the money in it taken. I'm only worried about my phone!") and I saw that I had missed two phone calls from a number that I recognized as our social worker. I immediately got nervous, knowing that she could be calling to tell us we were matched. If you've ever been to pump it up, you know it's not the time or place to make or take that phone call!

When I got home

We're Officially Waiting!

I talked to our social worker on Tuesday for the first time since we sent in our paperwork. I had been meaning to call for over a week just to make sure that she got it and finally got around to it! I was so surprised by what I heard on the other end. I expected her to have to re-write the report on us, but she said all she had to do was fax on our paperwork and she can start putting us in match meetings immediately! She said that match meetings are typically held on Thursdays, but didn't say if they were every Thursday or how frequently they are held. But, she did say that she would call when we get matched. It's crazy not knowing how long we have or what kind of child to expect. It's so different than when we had Addy. We knew her gender, her due date. We had plans with her birthmother on when we were going to come and where we were going to stay up to her birth and where we were going to stay following her birth, what contact we would have with her after and we knew we would have a great life-long relationship with her! It is a hard thing for me to be planless! I know that we're prepared. We have everything we could possibly need from when Addy was born. It's just hard to prepare my heart with the situation being so up in the air. I AM excited about having another child. Probably more excited for Addy than anyone. She talks about a brother or sister daily and pretends to have one. She is going to be a great big sister! I can't wait to see her have a sibling!

So... let the wait begin. I'm sure my heart will stop when I see our social worker's phone number show up on my caller id!